Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Memory

Everyone that knows me knows that I can be pretty absent-minded sometimes. Ok, make that most of the time. I'm always forgetting to do things. Let's say I'm at work and I have to go pick something up at the printer...I'll just completely forget that I have something for me at the printer until someone else brings it to me. Now that's a simple example, but sometimes I forget more important/complex things that have a bigger impact. Sometimes I think I have a serious memory problem, but other times I think that it's just because I always have a million things on my mind. It's usually mundane stuff that I forget; things like conversations I've had with people stick in my mind very well. Like this recent conversation I had with a colleague of mine regarding my lack of memory:

"You know Luv, sometimes I wonder if you only have half a brain."

"Me too."

"You're always forgetting stuff."

"I know."

"Hey, maybe you should try taking some of that Ginkgo Biloba. It's supposed to help with the memory."

"That might be a good idea. Actually, I'm heading over to London Drugs after work today and there's a health food store right across the way from it. I'm going to go and pick some up."

"Great."

The next morning I walk into the office.

"Morning Luv."

"Morning."

"Did you go to the health food store lastnight?"

"Um. I have a problem."

"Ohhhkay. Shoot."

"Well, you suggested that I should get that Ginkgo Biloba to help improve my memory right?"

"Yeah."

"What do I do if I just keep forgetting to get the thing that's supposed to help me remember?"

"I have no fucking clue."

"Neither do I."

The morning after, I walked into my office and sitting at my desk was a bottle of Ginkgo Biloba, with a note attached: "This is the last time I will ever remember something for you".

Monday, February 13, 2006

Times Three!

Three blog entries in one day! This is definitely a first for me. Happy Reading!

Sweet Thing

I'm sitting at my desk at work, and the phone starts to ring. I'm in the middle of saying something to one of my colleagues, but I glance over at the phone anyway. I see and recognize the number on my display, it's T's fiancé's cell phone. Hm. He's calling her at work...I hope everything's ok. As soon as I'm finished, I quickly turn around to pick up the phone before it flips over to voicemail but he had hung up. I decide to dial his number back, and here's how the conversation went:

"Hey Sweet Thing."

"Uh. Actually this isn't your Sweet Thing, it's her manager. Would you like to talk to your Sweet Thing?"

"Hahaha. Yes please. Sorry Luv."

"It's ok. I'll go get her for you."

I began my next morning's meeting with this story. Another spouse contributing to my morning meeting!

Missing/Wanted

My best friend Rae and I haven't talked or seen each other in awhile. She's been in the middle of moving, and I've been in the middle of a horrific couple of weeks at work. I received an e-mail from her yesterday, and here's how it goes:

- - -

Missing: Best Friend

Description: Goes by the name of Luv, Luvvy, or Luvs. Early 20's, dyed hair, brown eyes, pearly smile, professional-type clothing.

Last seen: January 20, 2006

Last heard from: Febraury 3, 2006

Recent failure to contact moving best friend has generaged concern re: where-abouts and well-being of said friend.

If you see this girl, please have her call 604-123-4567.


Wanted: New Best Friend

Must be quirky and energetic, have a great sense of humour, and hate animals. Willingness to infringe on new-found freedom of frist-time home-renter, overstays welcome and rack up outrageous phone bills an asset. Listening and caring skills essential.

Alcoholics, drug users and white girls need not apply unless financially established.

Please contact 604-123-4567 for more information.

- - -

Hahahaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Isn't she great?!

I'll be calling her tonight...before she decides to replace me!

Colourful Language

I had to make a quick phone call to one of my co-workers. D and her husband M have the oddest relationship. They scream and shout and are rude to each other, but they also love each other dearly (they've been together for 32 years). This relationship of theirs always makes for the funniest stories.

I dial their number, and D's husband picks up.

"Hello"

"Hi. May I speak to D please?"

"grunt"

He grunted in response! I'm trying hard not to laugh out loud.

I can hear him get up from wherever he was sitting and start to walk. As he's walking, I hear a big BANG that sounds like he walked into something.

"Fuck! There's things all over this place!" He says to no one in particular, but because he's carrying the phone I can hear quite clearly. I've now covered my mouth with my hand and am trying twice as hard not to laugh.

Finally D comes to the phone. "Hello?"

"Hi D, it's Luv. I just heard the colourful language of your husband!" I can finally let the laughter out.

"Oh, that devil!" She turns to her husband, "Do you know this is? This is Luv from work. MY BOSS!"

"I thought it was your sister." I hear him reply.

"You know M, you need to be more careful on the phone. You never know who it is that's calling!"

"grunt"

"So sorry, Luv" D says between her peals of laughter.

"Oh it's ok D. It was very entertaining."

"It serves him right! He's quit embarassed now that he's realized it's you."

I started my next morning's team meeting with this story. Thanks to M's contribution, my team was all fired up and ready to tackle the day.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Radiologist

As I was walking around in my living room one day, my foot got caught on something and I fell. I fell in such a way that all my weight landed on one knee. Immediately after I fell, the pain was so excruciating that I was convinced I had broken a bone. I was still able to walk around, so I got up and went to work. The pain continued to get worse and worse to the point where I could hardly walk. I made an appointment with my doctor and rented myself a cane (yes, a cane!) from the local medical supply store. My doctor poked and prodded my knee and told me that he thinks I may have torn my meniscus (cartilidge). He said that this type of a tear would not show on a regular x-ray, but he was going to send me to get one anyway so that he could completely rule out a cracked or broken bone.

I got to the x-ray clinic precisely at 8.30am, right when it was set to open. As I walk into the waiting area, I notice that most of the chairs are already occupied! When I was checking myself in, I asked the lady at the front what time they opened.

"Oh, we open at 8.30 but we usually open the doors about 5/10 minutes early to let everyone in and get them seated."

Since I had never been to an x-ray clinic, I didn't know this neat little tidbit. These people obviously came in on a regular basis to know that the clinic opens their doors earlier.

The lady finished getting all my information and told me to have a seat. I take a chair in a corner by the magazine table, the chair beside me is empty. I start to wait.

About 10 minutes into the waiting, a man comes and sits beside me. He smells like he had a full pack of cigarettes just seconds before he came in (no offense to any smokers out there, but some smokers smell like an ashtray), and he breathes very very loudly, almost like it's difficult for him to breathe. I'm stuck. If I get up to move to another chair, it'll seem really rude. So I try very hard to focus on the magazine I'm looking at and hope that I get called in soon. My morning is turning out to be fabulous.

My reprieve comes about 20 (long) minutes later. A short lady in her mid-fifties comes bouncing out of the back and calls my name. I am so grateful to be out of the waiting room. I follow her into the back where she takes me to one of the tiniest changing rooms I've ever seen.

"Hmmm. I wonder if we need you to change into a robe," she says as she looks down at my pant leg. "Say, can you pull up your pant leg to above your knee?"

My pants were loose enough that I was able to pull it over my knee.

"Oh good, you won't need to change then. I can take you into the x-ray room just like that."

As she says this, she takes a step back. She didn't realize that a corner of a cabinet was right behind her so when she stepped back, her head hit the corner of the cabinet. I heard a big crack when her head met the corner and she crumpled to the ground. Let me re-emphasize...she did not fall to the ground, she actually crumpled to the ground.

So here I was with a sore knee and a radiologist on the ground. I couldn't bend over to see if she was ok, so I kept saying, "On my goodness, are you ok?" and all I got in response was some moaning. About five seconds later, another one of her colleagues comes running up to us.

"What happened?!" He looks at me.

"She took a step back and her head hit the corner and she fell!"

He looks from me to her and back again. He points at me, "You! Sit!"

I immediately sit down like a scolded child. He leans over to her, helps her up and slowly walks her over to somewhere. She was holding her head the whole way. Even though it wasn't my fault, I feel like I'm in trouble. I was left alone, sitting in the smallest change room ever and I had no idea whether my radiologist was coming back or not.

Ten (long) minutes later, the man that had taken her away comes back again.

"Are you here to get your left knee x-rayed?"

I nod my head.

"Ok, come with me."

"Umm. How is she?"

"She'll be fine."

"Oh good."

My x-ray came back normal. There's nothing wrong with my bones. It's been two months since I fell, and my knee is still sore. I'm waiting to see an orthopaedic surgeon to determine whether or not I'll need surgery on my knee. My doctor seems to think I might because my knee hasn't stopped hurting. When people ask me why I'm limping, I tell them I fell. They then ask me how I fell and I tell them I was just walking around in my living room. Why couldn't it have been more exciting like skiing or snowboarding? Now that would've been a much better story to tell...