The Perfect Box
I took a trip to my bank and went into my safety deposit box. This box of mine is a very peculiar thing - although it holds some of my most treasured possessions, it also holds some of my darkest secrets. So my visit to my box is usually a mix of wondrous treasure hunting and a harsh trip down memory lane. This visit was no exception. I painstakingly went through every little thing in that box. I always go through the good stuff first. Most of it I have been accumulating for years and it gives me a sense of triumph every time I look through it. I have been the only one to see everything in all its glory, and because of that my good stuff is also a bit of a secret. Each time I go in, it feels like I’m rediscovering it all. It felt great.
I was done going through my good stuff, it was time to get to the not-so-good-stuff. I looked over at my now mostly empty box, and there at the bottom lay the large, unmarked manila envelope. I reached in, took it out, opened it up and carefully pulled out the contents.
Looking through each piece, I relived many of my mistakes, my decisions to correct those mistakes, some regrets, and many ‘there’s no turning backs’. With each passing piece, I felt the weight on my chest get heavier and heavier. It was a moment of: ‘your experiences define who you are and who you become…the good experiences and the bad’.
With that thought, and for the first time ever, I decided it was finally cleanup time. I sorted through the contents of that envelope. I ended up with three piles: the keep, the maybe keep, and the definitely not keep. The weight on my chest was quite a bit lighter – I was back in control.
I left the three piles as they were, and started to put all my good stuff back into the box. Once all of that was back in, I sat back and looked at my box of good stuff. My box was perfect. In fact, when I looked over at my three piles I realized that none of those piles belonged in my box. I condensed those three piles into one: the definitely not keep. The weight on my chest was gone.
I left my bank that day with a large, unmarked manila envelope in my hand. The contents of said envelope, and in fact the envelope itself, no longer exist. The memories and lessons will always be there, but for now my box is perfect.
I was done going through my good stuff, it was time to get to the not-so-good-stuff. I looked over at my now mostly empty box, and there at the bottom lay the large, unmarked manila envelope. I reached in, took it out, opened it up and carefully pulled out the contents.
Looking through each piece, I relived many of my mistakes, my decisions to correct those mistakes, some regrets, and many ‘there’s no turning backs’. With each passing piece, I felt the weight on my chest get heavier and heavier. It was a moment of: ‘your experiences define who you are and who you become…the good experiences and the bad’.
With that thought, and for the first time ever, I decided it was finally cleanup time. I sorted through the contents of that envelope. I ended up with three piles: the keep, the maybe keep, and the definitely not keep. The weight on my chest was quite a bit lighter – I was back in control.
I left the three piles as they were, and started to put all my good stuff back into the box. Once all of that was back in, I sat back and looked at my box of good stuff. My box was perfect. In fact, when I looked over at my three piles I realized that none of those piles belonged in my box. I condensed those three piles into one: the definitely not keep. The weight on my chest was gone.
I left my bank that day with a large, unmarked manila envelope in my hand. The contents of said envelope, and in fact the envelope itself, no longer exist. The memories and lessons will always be there, but for now my box is perfect.
posted by Elle at 12:21 a.m.
2 Comments:
i think everyone needs a place to keep their secrets both good and bad.
i'm wondering if keeping them in my head might cause too much damage, if the pen-to-paper phenomenon would be a way of releasing them.
reminds me of http://postsecret.blogspot.com
Hey, hey,
my curiousity is sparked now - I'm hoping to be enlightened as to the contents od the SDB as well as its prior contents - expect a phone call once all the family rounds have been made.
Grish
Post a Comment
<< Home