Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Calculation

Earlier this week, I was at London Drugs with my cousins Osh Kosh (she's 17) & H (Osh Kosh's younger brother, he's 16). (They are visiting from Yellowknife...BRRR)

London Drugs is having their Celebrating 60 Years promo, where you fill out a ballot for a chance to win $60,000. As many of you know, all these ballots have those "skill testing questions" at the end - they're usually simple mathematical questions you need to answer in order to qualify for the prize.

I get to the skill-testing question part of the ballot, and after a quick scan of the question I think I know what the answer is.

"Hmmm. I think I know the answer, but I don't have a calculator."

At this point, Osh Kosh perks up and says, "I have a calculator!" After which she starts rummaging through her purse and pulls out not just any calculator but a TI83! For those of you who haven't seen one, this calculator is about as big as an average adult hand. She starts to punch in the calculation.

"Ummm. Who in the hell carries a TI83 around in her purse?"

"But it's got games in it!"

"A TI83???"

"Really, it's got games!"

"I don't care if it has games! It's a TI83, and it was in your purse!"

At this point, I am laughing so hard there's tears streaming down my face. Osh Kosh now realizes the ridiculousness of the situation and starts laughing as well! H is shaking his head and slowly inching further and further away from us, trying really hard to pretend he isn't with us.

"Here's the answer" Osh Kosh is able to say in between her peals of laughter.

"Thanks. And take that thing out of your purse, will ya?"

"But it's got games!"

Monday, December 26, 2005

One Year

One year ago today, I was sitting in a hotel room in Singapore watching the news and realizing that a tsunami had hit nearby and taken countless lives. My mind still can't fathom the destruction and the number of people that died in that tsunami. It would be like half of the people in Vancouver dying all in one day. Entire bloodlines were lost that day. It's been one year and I still can't believe it.

Saturday, December 17, 2005

Morning Inspection

Each morning, the first employee that arrives at the office has to do a morning inspection. The employee would do a walk/drive around the office building to ensure there are no broken windows, etc. Then the employee would go into the building and inspect each office/room to ensure everything is secure. Once that's done, we have a 'sign' that the employee would change to let the rest of the employees arriving after know that the inspection has been done. If however, everything is not secure then the employee would change the 'sign' so that the rest of the employees know there's something wrong and to not enter the building. This is a routine established to make sure the building hasn't been compromised, and if it has to keep the rest of the employees safe by telling them not to enter.

One of the staff members, N, is usually the first person to arrive. As she drives in with her husband and he starts work at 7.30am, she's usually at the office way before anyone else. The morning inspection process lands on her shoulders.

It's 7.40am one particular morning, I'm going on my merry way getting ready for work. At this point, I'm still in my bathrobe and I'm about to start blow-drying my hair. My mobile starts to ring and I see it's N calling, I pick up:

"Hello?"

"Luv?"

It's N, and she's whispering on the phone. My heart drops, a million thoughts are racing through my head. One of them being, "Shit, I'm still in my bathrobe and if I have to run out the door and to the office I'm going to have to change fast."

"Yeah?"

Now I'm whispering...go figure.

"I'm doing the morning inspection, and the men's bathroom door is locked and the light is on and I've knocked on the door a couple of times and no one is answering. What do I do?"

"Ok, here's what I want you to do. You can use any key to unlock the men's washroom, sometimes the guys forget to unlock it on their way out...any key will work."

"Alright. Any key?"

"Yup."

"Ok, I'm tiptoeing to my office now to grab a key."

As she's tiptoeing, I've got more thoughts running through my head. I'm almost positive there's no one in the bathroom, but it still doesn't stop me from getting paranoid...I start thinking about the time when there were notes all over our office that said "I can see you." The person who found those notes hightailed it out of the office and called the police. Turns out that the janitor had brought her kids in that night. As the kids were playing hide and seek, one of them decided to leave these notes everywhere. Scared the shit out of everyone and with that was born the morning inspection.

"Ok, I've got a key. I'm going to go back now."

"You know N, you don't have to go in there. You can leave the building and wait until I get there."

I'm imagining N finding a dead body in the washroom, and I'm thinking that it's going to leave her scarred for life. I'm feeling guilty for telling her how to get into the washroom, I should've just told her to wait for me.

"No, that's ok. Just stay on the phone with me and that way in case anything happens you know to call the police right away."

"Alright. Go in slowly."

She reaches the washroom, and I hear her take a deep breath, and put in the key.

"Ok, I'm going in."

There's a split second of silence, and then a huge sigh of relief.

"Phew. There's no one in here." - she's no longer whispering

"Oh my gosh, you almost gave me a heart attack."

"I almost gave me a heart attack!"

"Ok, I'll see soon. Until then, no more drama."

"No worries. I'll still be alive when you get in."



Sunday, December 04, 2005

Noteworthy

My best friend Rae and I went shopping at the local mall today. Since it was snowing, we decided to park in the underground parking. Rae drives a 2005 Ford Mustang GT - she absolutely adores her car and absolutely deplores the poles that are in underground parking lots (don't get me wrong, the girl can drive and park). So, she decided to take two parking spots to park her car - we weren't going to be in the actual mall for long, and there was plenty of parking available all around us so we didn't think much of it. We went into the mall and had a great time.

A short while later, we're walking back to Rae's car and we see a man (in his mid-30s) leaning over Rae's car and sticking something under her windshield wipers. He looked up and saw us coming, Rae smiled and waved at him, and the poor man had the dear in the headlights look...he got caught leaving a nasty note! Anyway, he jumps back into his Mercedes, which he left idling in the middle of the parking garage, and parked it three spots down. THREE spots down! Rae is laughing her head off, and I'm shaking my head thinking this man has way too much time on his hands. The note read:

"You fucking asshole you're lucky I didn't bring my truck today."

Rae and I are having a total blast! This man must've thought it was another man he was leaving the note for - and he must've been totally shocked to see a blonde walk towards the car! After reading the note, Rae blew him a kiss! I'm sure the poor man felt very sheepish. And after he went into the mall, we left a note on his windshield:

"Nice car, hope your truck is equally as impressive. xoxo." - (all the "i"s were dotted with hearts!)

heehee. I would've loved to have seen is face when he got the note. I'm hoping he got a good laugh. We sure did!