Can't Think

Mondays are my regular days off from work. As I had quite a hectic week & weekend, I had decided to sleep in his morning. At 8am my cell phone starts to ring. I open my eyes to see who's calling - it's Grish. Inwardly groaning, I pick up the phone.

"Hello?"

"Hey"

"What are you doing up so early?"

"Well. I have to take my grandma to her manicure & pedicure so I decided I'd get up early and hang out for a bit."

"Oh."

"So what are you doing today?"

"Sleeping!"

"I know that. What are you doing later today?"

"Don't know. Can't think past sleeping."

"Haha. Alright how about this, you give me a call after you've had your sleep."

"Ok. Bye."

And of course, I could not go back to sleep.

Hazardous

For those of you that don't know, my mom works in the health care industry. As such, she has access to things that us normal folk wouldn't have access to. She came home from work this evening with a couple of packages in her hands.

"I brought mushrooms! I'll incorporate them into dinner tomorrow."

"I love mushrooms!" I looked at the packages in her hands and here is what I saw:

(FYI, these are Biohazard Specimen Transport Bags)

"Uhhh. Mom, the mushrooms are in biohazard bags!"

"Yes! These are the most sterile bags you will ever find!"

"I don't care! It's a biohazard bag!!"

"One of the guys at work brought a box of mushrooms and we all grabbed these bags and helped ourselves."

"You mean everyone took home mushrooms in biohazard bags?"

"Of course. They're the most sterile bags you'll ever find."

At this point my brother walks into the kitchen. I grab a bag.

"Look what mom brought for us to eat!"

My brother took a look at the mushrooms in the bag.

"Oh dear God, she wants us dead."

"Oh for heaven's sake! I don't want you dead. These are the most sterile bags you'll ever find!"

My brother looked at me. I looked at my brother.

"It was nice knowing you, Andy."

He nodded his head and gave me a hug.

L'Oncle

As many of you already know, my family is crazy. Since the apple doesn't fall far from the tree...well then, you know what that says about me. Anyway, I mostly blog about my idiot brother and his craziness. Today I will blog about one of my uncles. Uncle D is my dad's oldest brother (my dad is the youngest in a family of six kids) and Uncle D is number 3. He is by far my funniest/craziest uncle. Here are a couple of his stories.

- - -

We were all at a wedding reception one day and I went over to say hello to my uncle. He was wearing a suit and tie and looked quite spiffy but I noticed that he was wearing runners with his outfit.

"Hi Uncle D!"

"Hello Sona."

"Um. Why are you wearing runners?"

He put on his serious face.

"Well dear, you never know when you might need to make a run for it."

My jaw dropped. Satisfied with my reaction, my uncle turned around and walked away. Later on that evening, I caught up to him again.

"Uncle D, who would you be running from?"

He thinks for a moment, nods his head and looks over at me.

"The wife comes to mind."

My jaw drops. He walks away. Again.

- - -

On another day, I decided to ask my uncle about his grey hair. His hair is quite unique in that the hair on one side of his head is black and the other side is grey and it literally splits down the middle. I've always wondered why he didn't dye his hair.

"Hey Uncle D, why don't you just dye your hair one colour?"

"Well dear, you have to understand my dilemma."

"And what is your dilemma?"

"You see, my wife wants me to look young and my kids want me to look old."

"...O...k..."

"So, when I'm talking to my wife I turn this way." He turns to the side on which only his black hair shows.

"When I'm talking to my kids I turn this way." He turns to his grey hair side.

"And that dear keeps everyone happy."

I was laughing so hard I couldn't breathe. Satisfied with my reaction, he turned around and walked away.

Keep

"Excuse me, are you the manager?"

I cringe inside. I hate hearing that. I wonder what's coming next.

"Yes. What can I do for you?"

"Well, I found this outside in the parking lot. I think someone will come back to look for it."

I look down into the man's hands. He's holding a pink rzr phone.

"Oh thank you for bringing it in. We'll take care of it."

I have had many instances where someone has left their cell phone behind. Usually, I take a quick look at the contacts list and look for any phone numbers under "home" or "mom" or "dad". This one had a "dad" contact and it was a local cell phone number. I dialled the number from my office phone.

"Hello"

"Hi. This is Loveleen calling from the office. There was a pink cell phone found in the parking lot and I believe it may belong to your daughter. Does she have a pink cell?"

"Yes, that's hers."

"Oh good. Could you please pass onto her that we have her cell phone here and she can come pick it up anytime?"

"Actually just keep it."

"I'm sorry?"

"I'm paying her cell phone bill and if you keep it, it'll save me a lot of money!"

"Oh. Oh! You could come pick it up if you like."

"That's ok. It's the price I pay for deciding to have kids. I'll let her know you have it - she'll go crazy looking for it otherwise."

"Ha! Thanks. Have a great day."

Saved

I came home from work today and found my brother on his computer (he's always on the computer). I asked about how his day was and while he was telling me about the events of the day, I realized that he was reading up on Physiology. He ended his summary by saying, "And now I'm doing homework" and he got quite a perplexed look on his face when he looked back at the computer screen.

"Andy, why are you looking up physiology?"

"Because it's my class and I have to do a little report on what I learned today."

"You're not taking physiology."

He looks at me as if I'm going mad.

"Uhh. Yes I am!"

I look at him as if he's gone mad.

"No you're not!"

"Yes! Physiology is one of my classes."

"Uhh. Andy, you're taking Psychology."

His eyes go wide.

"What?"

"Yeah. Psychology not physiology."

"What's the difference?"

"Believe me, there's a huge difference."

He starts to look into his backpack, pulls out a couple sheets of paper and starts reading them.

"No wonder I was so confused! But I'm sure that there's a spelling error somewhere on these sheets. I'm sure of it."

At this point I am laughing so hard I can't breathe. After taking a quick look at the sheets and realizing there wasn't a spelling error, he put the sheets back into his backpack.

"It must've been on a sheet I threw away."

I laughed even harder! He takes a look at me and starts laughing a bit himself.

"Don't laugh at me!" He looks over at the report he had typed up, "What a waste of a report. I was wondering why nothing online was about what we had talked about in class today."

"Andy, I believe I just saved your behind. You owe me."

I looked at him and started laughing again. Ignoring me, he went back over to the computer and started working on his report. This time the title was Psychology.