Greanpeace, or Brother No More

My brother and I were walking through one of our local malls. I saw that Greenpeace had set up a kiosk to sign up new members. Being a member myself, I got pretty excited and said to my brother, "Oh how cool, Greenpeace is here!"

My brother said, "Greenpeace? What's that? A shoe store?"

I stopped dead in my tracks. Now granted I do get pretty excited when I get near shoe stores, but this was definitely not a shoe store! And, how could my brother not know what Greenpeace is? I was utterly shocked.

"You don't know what Greenpeace is?"

"No. What is it?"

"You don't know what Greenpeace is?!"

"No, I don't."

"You're joking right?"

"No, I'm not."

"So, you don't know what Greenpeace is?"

"NO! I don't know!"

"You are not my little brother until you know what Greenpeace is."

After this statement, I could see my brother's eyes light up. He was thinking about how great it would be not to be my little brother anymore. I saw that light in his eyes and just had to diminish it.

"I must remind you that I did drive you here. So, if you are not my little brother anymore, I am not obliged to drive you back. Do you have a quarter to call your parents with?"

The light went out and reality set in. He knew I was telling the truth. He knew that I really would just leave him there.

"What do you want me to do?"

"I want you to march your butt over there and ask one of them to tell you what Greenpeace is. Then, when you finally know what it is, I want you to come back and tell me."

"I don't want to go there."

"You'll have to go there."

"They'll think I'm an idiot."

"You are an idiot."

"I don't want to talk to them."

"Uhhh. You have no choice, buddy."

"Are you going to come with me?"

"I already know what Greenpeace is. I don't need to come with you. I'm going to sit down right here and wait for you to come back."

At that, I sat down on one of the nearby benches and began my wait. His shoulders slumped, he turned around and started marching. I watched as my idiot went up to the kiosk and said something to the man that was there. The man then proceeded to talk, and as he talked my brother continuously nodded his head. After about five minutes, and armed with several booklets my brother came back - no more slumped shoulders and looking much more alive.

I got up, and we started walking towards the doors.

"So, how'd it go?"

"Greenpeace is cool."

"I know."

"They do SO much!"

"I know."

"Did you know that Greenpeace was founded in Canada? In Vancouver!"

"Yup. I have a cool Greenpeace T-Shirt."

"Wow."

"Better than a shoe store, huh?"

"Oh yeah."

"You are my little brother again."

Shit Floats

"Hey Luv, have I ever told you about my Shit Floats theory?"

A colleague of mine, for whom I have the utmost respect, asked me this question some time ago.

"Uhhh no J, you've never told me about it."

"Well, let me explain."

He proceeded to pull out a pad of paper and began to draw. He drew a container filled with an unknown liquid (I never asked what the liquid was), and then he drew a blob floating on top of that liquid. Aaah, this must be the floating shit. It was like he was trying to pull a sales pitch on me...with shit.

"When I was about your age and I was working at XYZ Company, my boss was the manager of the whole floor that I was working on. I was his assistant in a way. Anyway, this man was the biggest idiot I had ever met in my entire life. He did absolutely nothing at work. As a matter of fact, I'm pretty sure he didn't know how to do anything. Whenever something came down the line, it was always "delegated" to me. I put together the reports and presentations that he was supposed to do. Anytime there was a decision to be made, he would always say 'J, what do you think?'. I'd tell him my opinion, and he'd do exactly that. There was not one decision he made on his own. The guy was a total dumbass."

"O...k...a...y..."

"Anyway, the powers-that-be realized that he was a dumbass and decided to do something about it. Now, you would think that he'd be let go at this point, wouldn't you?"

J is pointing at me, I look down at his finger and realize he wants an answer from me. I still have no idea where this is going.

"Y...e...a...h..."

"He wasn't. The fucking bastard was promoted. He was now the manager of the entire building, not just one damn floor. He was promoted so that he would have more responsibility that he couldn't do, and then eventually the powers-that-be would let him go. It's the: he's not doing his job right, so let's promote him so we can fire him! Meanwhile, the man gets promoted and gets this great work experience that he can use to dupe another future employer into hiring him."

"So...was he eventually let go?"

"Damned if I know. I was there for a year longer, and he was still in charge of the building."

"Oh."

"And this is how I came up with my Shit Floats theory. To this day, this theory has never failed me. Shit definitely floats; the bastards all get promoted."

"Thanks J, I'll keep that in mind."

"You do that."

- - -

Several years later, which was about two months ago, I came across this job posting. It was for a district level leadership position where you wouldn't exactly have any direct reports (ie. no people reporting to you), but you'd be responsible for helping drive key numbers within the district. I would love to have this type of a job. I have the time and energy to travel within the district right now, and I'm young enough where I can put in 12-14 hour days and be ok with it. Although I have about 15 direct reports right now, this job is a higher level than my current job. Anyway, I expressed my interest in this position and was shot down...nicely, of course. In a nutshell, I was told that I was needed in my current position and that they wanted someone with a longer tenure than me. In other words, I was too useful to them in my current job for them to even dream about moving me.

When the announcement was made of the successful candidate, I was a bit surprised. Although I had never directly worked with this person before, she was the last person I would've thought of that would get this position.

A couple of months after the announcement was made, she was scheduled for a visit to my office. Here, she was going to sit down with me for a meeting and talk about the things I do and how she feels I can improve on these things. Fine by me, I am always on the lookout for pointers.

It was an interesting visit to say the least. First of all, she has the maturity level of a 15 year old, second of all, she doesn't know a damn thing, and third (the most annoying thing) she can't spell to save her soul.

She asked me about the last visit by the previous person in her position (who I loved working with, and miss him dearly - he made a lateral move to another position), and asked me what I've done since. Each time these leaders come in for a visit, they send us a report a few days later of what we reviewed, what is done well, and what they feel needs to be improved upon. She had a copy of the report. To her complete surprise, I pulled out my copy of the report on which I had written in my own comments with the dates and actions completed.

As I went over the report, I talked about the things I do with my direct reports, my coaching ideas, my tools, etc. She kept saying "Wow"...it seemed to be the only word in her vocabulary.

Every time I'd say something, she'd want to write it down in her book. She told me that she likes to share best practices so that our entire district is running full steam. As she was writing in her book, I cannot tell you the number of times she stopped writing because she couldn't spell the word.

"Ahahahaa! I don't have my spell check in this book! Ahahaaa!"

I started to deliberately use 'big' words just to stump her. It was actually quite amusing to watch this woman try to think. Eventually, she would just ignore the big words I used and write down what she could spell - which meant that her notes probably made little sense when she read them the next day. (Actually, you should see the horrendous spelling and grammar she uses in the e-mails she sends sound...they make me cringe).

Throughout the meeting, I had done all the talking and she had done all the note taking. I left my true best practices out of the conversation, but she still thought she got gold out of me.

"Wow, Loveleen, I could just sit here and listen to you all day."

Uhhh, isn't that exactly what she did?

After she left, I started to do some real work. As I'm plugging along, I'm thinking about what a useless meeting this was, and how disappointed I am with this new candidate, and how stupid she is...and then it hit me. J was right! His theory actually does work! I send him an e-mail:

Subject: You're right...

...shit does float.

Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation

Each year, I participate in the Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation Run for the Cure. I have been doing so for about five years now.

This year, I have set a high fundraising target for myself. Most of the years, I've made between $150 to $200. The Run will be held on Sunday, October 2nd - I'm starting the fundraising early.

If you can, I would greatly appreciate your support by donating to the Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation. I am going to try to raise as much $$ as I can!

Please support this great cause! If you can support me, please click here.

Donating online is quick, easy and secure. You can use a VISA, MasterCard or American Express.

Also, please forward this message onto anyone who could/would support me. I am going to make this my best fundraising year ever, and it can only be done with your support!

The money raised will go to fund breast cancer research, education and awareness programs across the country.

If you would like to participate in the Run for the Cure, you may do so by going to the CBCF website.

You have my heartfelt thanks.

Foolish Idiot

This post is along the same lines as the previous one -- it's about getting my little brother another fabulous present. This time though, he shot himself in the foot.

I was away on my trip this past Christmas. My little brother was feeling a bit left out because he didn't go with me, etc etc. My parents decided to get my brother an XBox for Christmas to cheer him up. He loved it. BUT he wanted more, he wanted to get XBox Live so he could play with and against other players all around the world. So, he kept dropping very obvious hints that he wanted XBox Live for his birthday (which is in March).

Now, I have played XBox Live and while I know how cool it is, it's also quite addictive. And, a lot of the players have headsets with which they can talk to other players with -- for ones that don't have a headset, they can still hear the conversations these other players are having. Needless to say, there is tonnes of swearing going on across these headsets. As a result of these findings, I decided that my brother would not get XBox Live. I told him on several occasions not to expect Live for his birthday. He still somehow expected Live for his damn birthday!

The day before his birthday, I ran over to my local Future Shop and picked him up an iPod Shuffle. I bought myself an iPod Mini some time ago and I love it. My brother is also always listening to music on his laptop (yes, he's 15 and he has a laptop. It's standard in his school...every kid gets a laptop. Boy, have the times changed) and I figured he'd really enjoy the shuffle.

That night, I wrapped it up all nice and put it on our dining room table. I instructed my brother that he is not allowed to touch it until he's opening it the following night. He was also not allowed to ask someone else to touch it or shake it for him. Andy was getting very excited at this point, and I kept reminding him that it's not what he's wishing for but it's still as good, if not better.

The evening of his birthday rolls around. We have the entire family over (my mom's sisters and their kids who are the same age as Andy), and it's time to open the birthday presents. He always opens my present last because it's usually the best one of the group.

So, Andy opens up my present, sees that it's an iPod Shuffle and hears our cousin Jimmy saying "Oh cool. COOL!" and he says, "What's this?". I can tell by the look on his face that he's actually angry he didn't get his beloved XBox Live.

Me: "Uhhh, it's an iPod Shuffle. You can listen to music with it."

Idiot: "What am I going to do with this?"

Me: "You can listen to it whenever, they're the best things."

My mom pipes in because she can tell that we're both getting angry. She says, "Andy, you can put it on while you're playing basketball outside!"

Idiot: "No I can't. The bastketball will hit it and it will break. Then what's the point?"

Ok, so my entire family is there watching this scene unfold. And my ungrateful little brother is making a complete fool of himself. I'm getting angrier by the minute.

Me: "I figured that you could listen to it whenever we go riding on our bikes. I'll have my mini and you'll have your shuffle." (When the weather's nice, Andy and I go on some nice long bike rides).

Idiot: "I won't be able to hear the traffic then. And then a car might hit me and I might just die." (WTF?)

At this point, my mom tries to say something again. I interrupt her, grab the shuffle from my brother's hands and say, "Nevermind mom. He doesn't like it, that's ok". Again, my mom tries to say something and I looked at her with the 'just shut up' look and for once, she shut up.

I storm off downstairs, my mom storms off to go offer people food, my brother storms off to...wherever, I didn't really care. He has just mouthed me off in front of company! I am livid (in fact, I get angry thinking about it right now and this was three months ago!).

After I've calmed down enough to know I won't strangle my brother to death the minute I see him, I make my way back upstairs again. I corner the brother where we're out of earshot of the rest of the family and say, "You know what, Andy? I was even thinking of getting you Live for the summer. After what you've pulled tonight, you have no chance in hell of getting it ever. In fact, I think this will be the last birthday or Christmas I ever get you a good present. I work hard for my money and I will not have you playing the unappreciative, ungrateful twit that you were tonight. And if you haven't figured it out in your fucked up head yet, you just said goodbye to the shuffle."

_ _ _

A few days later, my brother and I are heading out to go rent a movie. I say to him, "Oh we just have a quick stop to make before we go rent. I forgot something on my bed, can you just run downstairs and grab it? It's the only thing that's on my bed." Yes, it was the shuffle sitting on my bed. I was going to teach him a lesson.

When he ran downstairs, he didn't come back up for a couple of minutes. I think he must've been composing himself. As he came back upstairs, he was wearing a long sad face. He didn't say anything and I didn't say anything as I drove over to Future Shop. He was holding the shuffle the entire way there.

As I parked my car, I looked over at him and said, "Ok, go and return it."

"What?"

"I said return it."

"But I don't want to return it."

"You should've thought of that the night you got it."

"I was an idiot."

"No kidding."

"Can you just return it? I'll wait here in the car."

"Uhhh. No."

So, Andy and I went in to return the shuffle. He had to do all the talking, and I only tagged along because they would need to reverse the charge on my credit card. When the cashier lady asked why we were returning it, my brother looked over at me and sputtered, "Because I didn't like it". You could see the pain and regret go across his face when he said that. Good. Exactly the reaction I wanted.

I left the Future Shop that night feeling lighter knowing that my credit card bill would be $170 less than originally planned. My brother left feeling heavier knowing that he just lost a really cool toy. We sat back into my car.

"So, I'm never getting any good presents?"

"Absolutely not."

"I'm sorry."

"It's ok. I think you've learned your lesson."

Christmas Past

As I was cleaning out one of my drawers, I came across this clue hunt I made for my little brother about three Christmas's ago. His birthday present was a Nintendo Gamecube, Gamecube controllers, a memory card for the Gamecube, and a game called Smash Bros Melee. There were several clues hidden in various parts of the house. I have to say, it was one of the most fun things I've made my brother do. Here's how they went:

Introduction: "You, my child, are about to embark upon a journey that will leave you breathless. Remember, every word that is written is a clue within itself. Follow this and you will succeed. Good luck my boy, I feel you will need it..."

Then, I handed him the first clue.

#1 "Time is of the essence, God is wanting your presence. Look north and go forth! Behind there you will see, another one of me."

We had a clock to the north of the house, also there was a little prayer written in stone beside this clock (hence time, God & north). When he got to it, there was another clue behind the clock.

#2 "BRRRRR! Do you feel that breeze? I am many things, but one thing I am not, I am never ever close to being hot. Look to the east and you will see a very cold, white beast."

Our fridge was white and it was towards the east part of the house. Inside the fridge he found another clue.

#3 "Memory is today's game. Do you remember your name? Yellow is the shade. Find it and look down, but don't be afraid."

This clue had my brother stumped. On the wall in my brother's room, he had this yellow Tonka poster up, and his name was written in that poster. He needed to look down and his first present and next clue was on the ground between the wall and his bed. The present was the Gamecube memory card. This one took him a while to figure out. Cool, eh?

#4 "Your memory serves you well, but only time will tell. Now we require control...where do we find that? Where do you control a car?"

His second present and next clue were on the driver's seat of my car. The present was, you guessed it, the Gamecube controllers.

#5 "Aha! You are still under control! Now we go to the place where people have gotten together...shall we call it a melee?! Then look in the lap of the person you want to slap."

His third present and next clue were in my lap (he would've wanted to slap me for making him run around like that!). This present was the Super Smash Bros Melee game.

#6 "Now think with all your might...This is where you rest your head at night."

While my brother was running down to my car, I ran to his room and placed a plastic heart on his pillow. The heart opens up and is a little container. That's where the next clue was.

#7 "From my heart to yours...Unlock the secrets of this key, and you may find what you seek."

Inside the containter was this clue and a key. They key unlocked my filing cabinet in my room. I had emptied out the filing cabinet and placed another clue in there.

#8 "This is it, my boy. Go back to the melee, and there you will find a present that will blow your mind."

So then my brother ran back to the living room where the whole family was and there, in the middle of the living room was another present all wrapped up. That present was, of course, the Nintendo Gamecube system.

What a great sister I am! I had such a great time setting that all up and making him go through all those clues!!

The Art of Accumulation

I am currently in the process of changing my bedroom furniture. There's a long story behind why I'm changing my furniture, but I'll post about that another time. The whole bedroom set will be arriving on June 17th. It's actually quite nice, it's a platform bed, dresser, mirror, drawer chest and nightstand all in a charcoal coloured wood with matte silver handles. I'll post a picture up when I get it in.

I've decided to clean out all my existing furniture beforehand so that when the new stuff comes in, I can place it in my room and just quickly put my stuff in. My current bed will be donated and I think my brother will get my dresser & mirror.

My first step was pulling out all the drawers from my dresser. My dad has moved my drawer-less dresser from my room, and I am now going through all my drawers with the thought of 'downsizing'. I cannot believe how much shit I have accumulated. I am a single person, no dependants and only one room, albeit a big one. The amount of crap that I am taking out of my drawers is astounding!

I have found things in my drawers that I bought thinking I might use them one day, but have never actually used them. So this is where all my money's going; buying crap and stuffing it into one of my drawers never to be seen again.

There's still much stuff to be cleaned up and thrown out. I now know I have mastered the art of accumulation...now I must master the art of "throw this shit away". I'll let you know how I do.

Routine...or is it just a Sickness?

For the past three weeks (or so), my friend Grish and I have been talking on the phone everyday. Often times more than once per day. It has become such a routine that I feel my day is incomplete if I haven't talk to her. We don't get to see each other all that often, because our schedules just don't jive...but we talk...a lot.

Earlier today, I called Grish because I needed to vent to her (now that I think about it, I don't even remember what it was I needed to vent about! It must not have been all that bad, then), but no one was home. I put down the phone, and thought "Now what am I going to do?". The feeling of incompleteness (is there even such a word?) had started to settle in.

I progressed through my day, and a little after 4pm I felt my phone vibrating in my purse. I pulled it out and saw that it was Grish calling me, unfortunately I was over at someone else's place and was unable to answer my phone. I again thought to myself "Now what am I going to do?". That feeling of incompleteness (again, word?) got a bit bigger. She had left me a message telling me that she was now home and I could call her as soon as I had a chance.

I got home at about 8pm today, sat down at my desk and decided I'd call Grish. I hadn't had my Grish hit for the day and hoped she would be home so that we could talk. I called, and she's not home anymore. Total feeling of incompleteness has now taken over. I thought to myself, "Now what am I going to do?". Then, I stared across my desk and saw my laptop sitting there. I remembered the comment that Carly had posted on my blog, something to the effect of I haven't posted in a while and I was falling behind. I decided to do something about my "Now what am I going to do?" question I've been asking myself all day. I decided to post on my blog.

I have now finished my blog posting...but I still feel I need my Grish hit. Is this a sickness?